If you are British and reading this, move along please—there’s nothing to see here . . .

Anyone else—if you like writing British characters, remember that watching The Crown will not equip you with useful British dialogue unless:

a) your character is a member of the Twentieth century British monarchy

b) they are in a mental institution because they think they are

At the other end of the social scale, London is not full of chimney sweeps clicking their heels and crying out, “Cor blimey guv’nor.” If you have seen this while on a trip to London, you were either:

a) high

b) in an alternative Mary Poppins universe

c) being set up to have your wallet stolen while you watched the street show

Just as in other English-speaking countries, a British character’s English depends on age, social class, culture, the decade they live in, the part of the country they grew up in, and who they are talking to. (For example, only someone from the north of England would say, “Nowt” instead of “Nothing”, though I have seen American Facebook posts claiming all Brits use this word.) And there are some characters whose authenticity can make or break their cameo appearance in your book, such as historical figures, or movie stars, because they often have distinctive patterns of speech, known and loved by their fans.

My general advice is to mainline British TV, or hire someone to help you with your British voices—or both.